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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24534991">I'm Sorry I Taste Like Strawberry Jam</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/faeverett/pseuds/faeverett'>faeverett</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>9-1-1 (TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>'cause Buck deserves some goddamn apologies, 'cause she does too, Apologetic Eddie, Buck Cries, Buck also gets a drinking buddy that's an OC, Buddie First Kiss Week 2020, Day 3: Soft and Slow, Drunk Confession, First Kiss, M/M, also Lena's in this briefly, but like me the OC is very gay for Lena, don't worry about her lmao, drunk buck, oh and, so slow it's actually late lmao</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-06-04</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-06-04</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-18 08:40:17</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,732</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24534991</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/faeverett/pseuds/faeverett</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Buck goes out drinking with his new friend. He might have a little too much. He's on his way out when he runs into Eddie and Lena. Things get a little messy, but it'll all be okay in the morning, right?</p>
<p>or</p>
<p>Buck gets drunk and discovers something he doesn't know about Eddie. And then another thing. Then he wakes up in Eddie's bed and finds out a few more.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV), Evan “Buck” Buckley &amp; Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>8</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>302</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>I'm Sorry I Taste Like Strawberry Jam</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Jolene Darling Richards.” Buck croons, holding her ID above his head. He likes the way the name rolls around his mouth and he likes the way her cheeks flush as he says it. He wonders if Eddie’s would do that. She finishes closing the tab and grabs at his arm. “Oh, no, Jo Darling.” He hops backwards, stumbling only a little. “You have to work harder than that.”</p>
<p>“Buck,” Jo sighs. “You’re making me regret buying your drinks tonight.”</p>
<p>“Why? I’m goo—oh, shit.” He fumbles the ID and it smacks him on the face as it tumbles to the floor. “I got it.” Buck drops into a slow squat, focused entirely on maintaining his balance. His fingers push the card around the floor, but he can’t get a grip. He frowns. “That’s not right, Jo.”</p>
<p>Not for the first time, he wishes Eddie were here. Eddie knows how to pick stuff up. Eddie can pick stuff up real good. “I’ve seen it.”</p>
<p>“Seen what?” Jo crouches next to him and picks up her license.</p>
<p>Buck blinks at her. “Impressive.”</p>
<p>“Uh-huh.” She grips his wrists and stands, tugging him with her. “It’s time to go, Buck.”</p>
<p>“No, do you have to?” He wobbles. “I don’t want to be alone.”</p>
<p>“I know,” She’s feeling around in all of his jacket pockets. She finds his wallet and phone on the inside and leaves them. “You want Eddie. You only mentioned him about a thousand times.” Jo takes the car keys from the front left one.</p>
<p>“I never said that.” Buck shakes his head vehemently. He might be drunk, but he’d never admit his desire for Eddie. Especially not to someone who could <em>tell </em>him. He staggers away from her, almost into some other guy.</p>
<p>“Wait, sorry,” Jo follows. She takes him by the arm again. “You’re right. You didn’t say that.”</p>
<p>“Thank you, I know.” Buck nods solemnly, brushing her hand away. He has to distract her from Eddie somehow. He squints down at her. She holds her hands up, even with her shoulders, barely at the top of his ribs. “Oh, my god.” He towers over her. “You’re so fucking short.”</p>
<p>She sighs again. “Okay. We’re going.” She attempts to tuck herself under his arm, in some ill-advised effort to support him.</p>
<p>“No!” He tucks his arms in tight. “I’ll crush you.”</p>
<p>“Then at least put your hands on my shoulders and follow me out.” She turns her back to him and pats her shoulder.</p>
<p>He raises his arms high and drops them where she’d asked. “Anything for you, Jo Darling.” She leads them through the bar toward the door. He can just barely hear her muttering something about patience. Buck leans forward or pulls her back some. He’s not sure which. “Hmm?”</p>
<p>She shakes her head. “Just glad we’re leaving.”</p>
<p>Buck purses his lips. They make it another few steps. “Jo Darling? I don’t know Eddie’s middle name. Do you think that means something?”</p>
<p>“Yeah,” Jo lays a hand on his wrist, arm crossed over her chest to do it. She valiantly tries to keep them moving forward. “Means you should ask him.”</p>
<p>“But is it weird? He hasn’t told me. Maybe he doesn’t trust me with it.” That hurts. The idea of Eddie not trusting him—He had thought they shared everything. But now to find out that this, something so simple, so important, has been kept from him. He almost feels like crying.</p>
<p>“Did you tell him yours?” They’re so close to the door. Just a few more steps.</p>
<p>“Ah,” Buck has to think about it. “No.” Of course, that’s it. Of course, Eddie trusts him. It just hasn’t come up. He’s never had the chance to steal Eddie’s license, after all.</p>
<p>They hit the door and Buck stumbles over the step, pitching forward onto Jo. For a terrible second, he’s sure he’s right, he’s going to crush her. But she’s solid, a sturdy little firefighter, and she’s ready for it, so they don’t fall down. They’re both only winded as the door closes behind them.</p>
<p>“Buck?” There’s a voice somewhere off to their left. “Jo?”</p>
<p>Jo coughs and this time he catches her mutter, “Speak of the devil.”</p>
<p>A knot forms in his stomach and he straightens, pulling Jo upright in front of him. Eddie is standing next to them, with Lena Bosko, of all people, at his side. They both look surprised and concerned. There’s a beat where they just stare at each other. Buck squeezes Jo’s shoulders.</p>
<p>“Hi, Eddie.” She manages a dubiously bright tone. Buck arranges his face in a matching smile. “You guys, uh, headed in?” Her gaze flickers over Lena, then Eddie, then over Lena again, slower.</p>
<p>“We were.” Eddie’s gaze flickers over Buck, then Jo, then Buck again, slower. “You guys headed out? Isn’t it still a little early?”</p>
<p>Buck doesn’t like all these looks going on. Bosko appears amused. He doesn’t like that either. No longer concerned with crushing Jo, Buck lets go of her shoulders to fling his arm around them and pouts his lips, keeping his voice low, sultry. “Never too early to take your date home.”</p>
<p>“Gross.” Jo rolls her eyes, but the arm she wraps around his waist supports his message.</p>
<p>Eddie’s eyes darken. “So, you guys are on a date?”</p>
<p>“Yup.” Buck pops the ‘p’. “Just like the two of you.”</p>
<p>“We are not on a date.” Bosko speaks up, her eyes on Jo. “Just an apology drink. Happens every month. He owes me quite a few.”</p>
<p>“I’ll bet.” Jo shifts under Buck’s arm and he realizes he’s bearing down pretty hard. He tries to get his feet under him better, but they won’t listen. “Feel like he might owe me some.”</p>
<p>“Why would <em>I</em> owe you?” Eddie’s tone is defensive.</p>
<p>But wait, what was that Lena said? “Eddie takes you out every month? Just the two of you?”</p>
<p>He can’t help it. He’s wounded. Buck and Eddie almost never go out alone. There are always other people, whether it’s the team or Chris. And he loves Chris—God, does he love Chris—but he loves Eddie too and it hurts to know that Eddie could be alone with him, could give Buck the opportunity to do fucking something about the way he feels, he just chooses not to.</p>
<p>He leans forward a little more, feels his lip curling up in a sneer. “Lena, do you know Eddie’s middle name?”</p>
<p>Eddie frowns. Lena glances between the three of them. “Is he okay?”</p>
<p>“I’m fine.” Buck snaps. “Let’s go, Jo Darling.” He takes a step, except he doesn’t, because his legs won’t work, and he falls instead. Or, well, is gently lowered to his knees, because Jo is still under one arm and Eddie moves to catch him under the other.</p>
<p>The tears burn as they slip down his face, but he doesn’t have the capacity to be embarrassed. He looks up at Eddie. “How come you won’t take me out? Why am I not worth your time? I know, I know you said I’m exhausting, and I hear you, I just want—” His voice breaks on a sob. “I just want to be with you, and you… you keep pushing me away. Do you know how much that hurts? Do you know you’re breaking my heart?” His hand is on Eddie’s face, thumb stroking dangerously close to his lips, and all he wants to know is one thing. “Eddie. Edmundo. Tell me your middle name.”</p>
<p>Eddie looks strangled. “Oh, god.”</p>
<p>There’s an intake of breath and a soft “shit,” on his right.</p>
<p>“Um,” Someone else says above him. “Maybe I should go.”</p>
<p>Eddie reaches up and captures Buck’s hand in his. He turns his head slightly and there’s a whisper of his lips over Buck’s palm. Buck closes his eyes to commit the feeling to memory and he forgets everything that happens after.</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>Buck wakes up the next morning with a splitting headache. There’s water and aspirin on the nightstand in front of him and he takes them without sitting up, spilling half the water on the bed. He closes his eyes against the morning sunlight and rolls over, groaning. And then it hits him.</p>
<p>He sits up, too fast, bad move, and assesses the situation. He’s still fully dressed, except his jacket and his shoes, and he’s in Eddie’s room, alone. In Eddie’s bed. And he feels bad about spilling the water now. He feels worse about his tear-stained confession.</p>
<p>He’d spent so much time last night wishing he were with Eddie and then immediately ruined it, hell, <em>everything</em> as soon as Eddie showed up. He’d been drunk. He’d been stupid. Buck puts his head in his hands and groans some more, rubbing frustrated circles on his cheeks. It doesn’t make his head feel better.</p>
<p>“In the kitchen!” Eddie calls, presumably from the kitchen.</p>
<p>Buck gets up. Walks to the bathroom. Uses it. Washes his hands. Splashes water on his face. Brushes his teeth. Rinses with mouthwash. Just like every other morning he’s ever spent in the Diaz house, except this time he started from the bed, not the couch. And this time he dreads seeing Eddie.</p>
<p>He plays with the edge of his shirt, trying to be nonchalant as he turns the corner to the kitchen and leans in the doorway.</p>
<p>Eddie’s spreading strawberry jam on some toast. He smiles and his eyes glint with amusement. “Good morning, Buck.”</p>
<p>Buck flushes and ducks his head. He can’t do it. He can’t look at Eddie, not knowing that he asked outright, less than nine hours ago, if Eddie knew he was breaking Buck’s heart. He looks around the kitchen instead. “Where’s Chris?”</p>
<p>“Still at the sleepover. I’m going to pick him up after lunch.” Eddie puts the toast on a plate and slides it across the counter to him.</p>
<p>Buck kinda just stares at it. “You made me a single piece of toast for breakfast?”</p>
<p>Eddie lets out an embarrassed laugh that startles Buck. He stares at Eddie instead as he rubs the back of his neck and explains, “I, uh, started with more, but I’m, um, not good at the toaster.”</p>
<p>Buck raises his eyebrows. He picks up the toast, takes a bite. It’s pretty dry. For a moment, everything feels normal as Buck grins at Eddie. “It’s good.” And the jam, at least, is. Thankfully, Eddie had applied it with a heavy hand.</p>
<p>He eats half of it while Eddie moves around and gets him a glass of water. He puts the toast down to reach for the glass and his fingers brush against Eddie’s.</p>
<p>Buck pulls his hand back like it burns and certainly the heat is back on his cheeks. “Sorry.” It comes out as a whisper.</p>
<p>“Okay.” Eddie says softly and sets the glass next to his plate. He moves back across the kitchen, to the open jar of jam, and straight-up just scoops a spoonful into his mouth. “Mm.” He nods, seemingly to himself, running his tongue across his lips. “Okay. I’m ready.” And he looks over at Buck again.</p>
<p>Buck blinks and his brow furrows and he’s trying to find some air because something about that display sucked it all out of his lungs. His mouth is dry and not just from the burnt toast.</p>
<p>Eddie takes a breath. “First, uh, your jacket and shoes are by the door. Your wallet and phone are in your jacket. Jo has your jeep, because you guys left her bike at the station, but she’s working today so we can go get it anytime. And Lena says she hopes you feel better and no, she doesn’t know my middle name.”</p>
<p>“Um, okay.” Buck’s heart is in his throat. None of that was really important to him. “And what about—?”</p>
<p>Eddie’s smile is gentle, his eyes warm. “You were drunk, Buck. You can take it back if you want.”</p>
<p>“Oh.” And that lands like a gut-punch. Eddie’s giving him the chance to un-ruin their friendship. Buck closes his eyes and swallows, head tilted back. He’s going to cry again, but that’s not what he wants. He works his jaw, fighting the tightening of his throat, and manages to whisper the terrifying, “And if I don’t?”</p>
<p>“Then I’d say,” Eddie’s voice sounds closer, “I’m sorry.”</p>
<p>Goddamnit, if that doesn’t hurt more than Buck expected. He knew—he <em>knew</em> it’d be like this, that Eddie would reject him, that it would break what they already had, that he couldn’t ask for more than he’d been given, because the answer was always going to be the same. <em>No, Buck. I don’t want you like that, here, at all. You’re exhausting, Buck.</em> Eddie had already allowed Buck more than he had any right to and he would have been happy with that forever if not for his stupid, <em>stupid</em> drunk self.</p>
<p>Eddie’s hands are soft on the side of his face. He tilts Buck’s head down and Buck breaks when he sees that Eddie’s crying too. He starts to pull away, but Eddie holds him there and his thumbs brush the tears from Buck’s cheeks.</p>
<p>“I’m sorry,” Eddie repeats, “because I shouldn’t have said you're exhausting, and I should’ve apologized for it a long time ago. I’m sorry, because I made you feel like you weren’t worth my time. I’m sorry, because I shouldn’t have pushed you away. I’m sorry, because I was hurting you and never realized it. And I’m so sorry, Buck, that I didn’t do something sooner.”</p>
<p>Eddie steps closer, tilts his head up, grazes his nose against Buck’s. His breath catches and Eddie stops, centimeters away. He’s watching Buck through his lashes. Buck raises a shaky hand to Eddie’s neck, not entirely convinced this is real, and strokes his thumb along Eddie’s jaw, where the stubble is damp. He rests his other hand on Eddie’s hip and Eddie sighs, impatient, tongue wetting his lips.</p>
<p>Buck closes the distance with hesitation, gently capturing Eddie’s top lip between his own. He releases and takes the bottom, moving his mouth slowly over Eddie’s. He’s so careful, keeps the pressure light, because the last thing he wants is for Eddie to decide that it is too much for him, after all. But Eddie slides one hand down to grip Buck’s shirt and deepen the kiss, his tongue now wetting Buck’s lips.</p>
<p>Buck parts them and then Eddie’s tongue is in. his. mouth. He can taste the strawberry jam and that should be gross, but it isn’t—it’s incredible. He understands the spoonful now. He’s grateful for it. He’s never liked strawberry jam more. He’s never liked Eddie more. And he has to break away because he has to say it, he has to tell him—</p>
<p>“I’m in love with you.”</p>
<p>“I know.” Eddie growls and takes Buck’s mouth again, hand tightening in Buck’s shirt. Buck turns his head, so Eddie kisses along his jaw, up to his ear.</p>
<p>“I love Chris, too.”</p>
<p>“I <em>know</em>,” Eddie nips Buck’s earlobe, annoyed.</p>
<p>“It’s just,” hard to concentrate with Eddie making his way down and across Buck’s neck, “I know I said some things last night about time alone,” Eddie pauses at a spot just under his jaw and Buck gasps, “with you.” He squeezes his eyes shut. “And I don’t want to you to think that I—”</p>
<p>“Buck.” Eddie lets go, steps back, and Buck whines, because that’s <em>not</em> what he wants. “I know.” Eddie pauses, shakes his head. “Or actually I don’t, because you didn’t say anything about time alone.”</p>
<p>“Then I thought it.” Buck shrugs. “I’m sorry.”</p>
<p>Eddie laughs. “You’re sorry for thinking you want to be alone with me?”</p>
<p>“I—” Buck holds his hands out, palms up. “It’s not fair to Chris, or to you, to expect—”</p>
<p>Eddie steps between Buck’s arms, silencing him with soft kiss and entangling his fingers in the back of Buck’s hair. His eyes are dark when he pulls away. “If it’s offensive to think about being alone with you,” he caresses Buck’s throat, “what might happen if we were,” his grin is sharp, “then I owe you a lot more apologies.” Eddie presses three quick kisses to Buck’s lips and slides his cheek over Buck’s to whisper in his ear, “And Buck? My middle name is—”</p>
<p>Buck turns to kiss him again and loses himself in the taste of strawberry jam.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>originally there was going to be more jo and lena flirting in this but it was really just getting in the way, so i cut all that shit. honestly, i considered just cutting jo, but i felt that buck really needed a friend. also, eddie's middle name is redacted because as far as i know none of the characters have one and i'm not gonna start giving them out. okay thanks.</p></blockquote></div></div>
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